


May Seventh

by willowtears



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Mild Smut, Sad, Sad Ending, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-30
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:02:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 3,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27791218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/willowtears/pseuds/willowtears
Summary: Lukas has ten days left to live. Will he be able to fix everything he's done, or will he waste the days he has left?
Relationships: Denmark/Norway (Hetalia), Finland/Norway (Hetalia)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 9





	1. Chapter 1

Up until the day Lukas was told he had ten more days to live, he'd been seemingly stuck inside a life on loop. Every morning he'd wake up at 5:00, be in and out of the shower by 5:10, and in class by 7:00. However, this day, this May 7th, he knew he had to stop the loop because he finally realized that he was killing himself by doing the exact same things every day.

So, instead of getting up and out of bed, he hit the snooze button on his alarm clock. And when it went off eight minutes later, he stood up and unplugged the obnoxious thing from the wall before flopping back down in bed again, getting some well-deserved rest.

...

He awoke again at nine o'clock sharp to his best friend and roommate Matthias' alarm, and to the sun glaring through the blinds at him, as if it was upset at him for not following his routine. He was already beginning to feel like it was a mistake to do this; his stomach was twisted in knots. He rolled over so he wasn't facing the windows anymore, coming face to face with his roommate.

"'S about time you woke up," Matthias chuckled sleepily, pulling his alarm away from the side of Lukas' head and turning it off. "What's up with you today? I never get to see you in the morning."

Lukas pushed his hair out of his face, slipping out of bed and stepping lightly onto the floor. "I decided I was going to try something new this morning.

"Like...skipping class?"

"Why not?"

...

And that was how Lukas and Matthias ended up at an amusement park after stopping by Lukas' usual coffee shop.

Still, Lukas felt guilty, but not for the same reason he had that morning. He felt he'd wasted yet another day; sure, it had been fun, but he still felt the emptiness he'd felt after being told he was wasting his life. What was missing, he didn't know, but there was definitely something. Or maybe it was a lot of things. Or maybe he did know, and he just wasn't ready to admit it yet. 


	2. Chapter 2

He woke up late again the next day, and decided that waking up late wasn't helping him live his best life, he was simply wasting more time by doing that. So he got up immediately and combed his hair so it was soft and untangled and shiny, then made his way to the bathroom.

After rinsing his mouth out and setting his toothbrush in the toothbrush holder, he turned around to leave the bathroom, almost bumping into Matthias.

"Late again, Lukas?" Matthias chuckled, arching an eyebrow. "You okay, buddy?"

Lukas nodded. "I think I'm going to skip class again today and visit my brother."

"You sure he really wants to see you?"

"No, but I want to see him," the Norwegian replied, pushing his bangs out of his eyes before gently pushing Matthias out of his way.

The Dane sighed and shook his head at him, but didn't argue. He closed the door of the bathroom after Lukas walked out.

...

Lukas knocked on the door of his parents' house. When nobody answered, he decided to open the door on his own; his parents weren't as paranoid as him and almost never locked the door. Lukas knew one day this would backfire on them...and perhaps the second day of the rest of his life would be that day.

Upon walking in, he heard piano music playing upstairs, and followed the source to the ajar door of his little brother's room. He gently pushed the door open, and looked inside.

His brother was asleep, his phone in his hand--presumably the source of the soft music. Across the room, a sound machine was playing rain sounds. Lukas stepped closer and gently pushed his brother's silver hair out of his face. It had grown much longer since the last time Lukas saw the boy; it was covering his eyes almost completely.

He smiled as his brother's beautiful face came into view. His eyes were closed gently, his mouth curved upwards in a slight smile.

Lukas retracted his hand, though, scared to wake the boy. There was no way in hell Emil would be happy to see him. He shook his head slightly, before stepping backwards and out of the room. He couldn't possibly face his brother after what'd happened before. The Norwegian sighed, and closed the door softly, resting a hand on the wood before making his way downstairs and out of the house. He got back in his car and drove away.

...

When he arrived back at the dorm, Matthias was sitting on his bed, watching TV and drinking beer from a bottle. He raised the bottle to Lukas in welcome, then gestured to the other bottle, unopened, next to him.

Lukas sat down next to Matthias on his bed and picked up the bottle, popping the cap and drinking.

"I'm assuming things didn't go well," Matthias said after a long while, turning to look at Lukas.

"Nei," the Norwegian sighed, "not at all. I freaked out."

"You freaked out?" the wild blonde furrowed his eyebrows. "Did you even talk to him?"

"No."

"Lukas, you're telling me you drove four whole hours-"

"Hush, Mat."

"Lukaaaaaaaaaa..."

Lukas closed his eyes. "Let it alone."

Matthias sighed and set his empty bottle of beer down, picking up another full bottle. "I got plenty of alcohol here, as long as you drink responsibly."

"Oh, like you drink responsibly."

"Hush, Luka."


	3. Chapter 3

Lukas stayed up the whole night getting progressively more drunk with Matthias.

At 6:00 PM, he woke up tangled in Matthias' arms and immediately ran to the bathroom to vomit. After about twenty minutes of throwing up in the toilet, he finally took a shower and afterwards walked back into the bedroom, where Matthias was taking an aspirin. Matthias, who drank a lot and hardly had bad hangovers anymore. Lukas envied his best friend for once.

Another day wasted. He wasn't very good at this thing called living.


	4. Chapter 4

On the fourth day, Matthias took Lukas cake tasting. He wanted to throw Lukas a good party for his 21st birthday, even though Lukas insisted that a butter cake would be fine.

They finally decided on a dark chocolate cake with lavender frosting; Lukas adored the flavors and the colors. Matthias sent Lukas outside so he could discuss the details with the cake store owner. When he walked back out, he was grinning from ear to ear, and the Norwegian grew a bit worried about what Matthias was planning.

After they got in the car, Lukas began to drive back to their shared temporary home. About halfway through the drive, Lukas noticed out of the corner of his eye that Matthias was staring at him.

"What?" the Norwegian questioned, looking over at the Dane when he stopped at a stoplight.

"You still have some icing on your cheek."

"Mat-"

"No, really," Matthias interrupted him, grabbing a napkin out of the glove box and wiping off Lukas' cheek.

Lukas felt a bit disappointed that the Dane wasn't trying to kiss him, and his face grew even redder from embarrassment.

"I haven't wanted to kiss you for years, Lukas, don't worry."

And then Lukas grew upset.

...

Lukas pretended that nothing had happened, but immediately got into Matthias' beer and drank again, and so did Matthias.

Matthias kissed him that night. They were red-faced and smiling stupid smiles at each other, their eyes shining. Then Lukas stood up and pulled Matthias with him, their gazes still locked.

"Wanna dance?"

"Do you even know how to dance?"

"Used to. I kinda forgot.."

"Wow..." Matthias chuckled, before wrapping his arms around Lukas' shoulders.

In turn, Lukas did the same, his bottom lip between his teeth. His heart beat quickly in his chest, and he prayed that Matthias couldn't hear it from where he was standing.

And then Lukas was pulled closer, and his cheeks colored. He could feel Matthias' heartbeat, too. "Wow what?"

"Wow that you forgot how to dance," Matthias grinned, starting to sway softly to the music, so Lukas followed his lead.

"Hm...it's not my fault," the Norwegian murmured.

"Hey, Luka?"

He looked up at the Dane and tilted his head curiously. Matthias was avoiding his eyes, focusing his gaze on the pesky curl that stuck out of Lukas' wavy blonde hair. "What is it?" he asked.

Matthias cleared his throat and blushed. "Am I allowed to kiss you?"

And the Norwegian felt his heartbeat speed up, and the hands that were clasped behind Matthias' head grew clammy.

"Uh..." Lukas chewed on his lip harder, before nodding. "You are." There was an audible tremor in his voice when he spoke. "Can you?"

And Matthias cupped his face and grinned nervously, before gently pulling him into a kiss.

Lukas hoped it wasn't just the alcohol, and kissed him back.

They slept in each others' arms that night, dreaming of better days.


	5. Chapter 5

Lukas only had five more days to live, and only now was he beginning to fear what was to come. But at the moment, he was more angry than anything.

He didn't spend the day with Matthias and instead left Matthias to sleep the rest of the morning away on his own, despite the fact that the Dane's arms were the only place he wanted to be.

At that thought, he tightened his grip on the steering wheel and continued to drive, telling his brain to shut up and to stop thinking about Matthias.

It was dark out, and he had a bad hangover from the night before. His stomach was filled with sick and anger. It turned his body to ice and made him sweat something awful. His hands almost slipped from the steering wheel when he suddenly saw another car coming straight for him in the rearview mirror. He swerved, and the car smashed into his own.

He wasn't sure if he'd swerved in front of the car on purpose or by accident.

...

Lukas woke up later that day in a very white room, and there was Matthias.

"What the fuck were you doing?" Matthias was looking down at him. His face was nearly red with anger, and his accent was thick with it too. His dark eyebrows made him look like a villain out of a comic book. Lukas would have chuckled if the circumstances were different.

He didn't really know how to answer the Dane's question, though, and simply shrugged.

"You're lucky you weren't hurt too badly." He was trying so hard to sound angry, but Lukas could see the tears welling up in his eyes and the tear stains that were already on his face. "It's a fucking miracle. God, Lukas, I'm gonna throttle you."

"Don't," Lukas said softly, shaking his head. Though he couldn't think of anything else to say, so he didn't try to say anything else.

Matthias closed his eyes and looked away from him. "I thought everything was okay," he muttered, "Lukas...last night was the happiest I've ever been."

The Norwegian sighed and shook his head. "You don't have to pretend that you liked it, Mat..."

"But I did..."

"No, Mat, just stop."

And he did, but not before he gently set his hand on top of Lukas' and rubbed it with his thumb. "Get some rest," he said, before walking away. 


	6. Chapter 6

Matthias came back the next day and sat next to Lukas' bed for a while.

...

After sitting there for an hour, he decided that Lukas probably wasn't going to be waking up anytime soon and left.

...

A little while later, a small, silver-haired boy walked into the room and stood by Lukas' bed.

"Lukas," he murmured, setting a gentle hand on Lukas' shoulder. He looked around the room, then shook the Norwegian's shoulder. "Hey," he whispered, "get up..."

Lukas opened his eyes ever so slightly. "Emil?"

"Lukas."

"Can you block the light please? It's too bright..."

Emil moved his head to block the overhead fluorescent lights beating against Lukas' eyelids, and Lukas opened his eyes all the way, looking up at his beloved brother.

"Thank you."

Emil nodded at him and tilted his head. "Are you all right?"

"Yes," Lukas replied softly.

"You came and visited me the other day."

"Yes, I did."

"I was pretending to be asleep."

Lukas pursed his lips. "Guess I deserve that."

Emil nodded once more. "I feel bad now."

The Norwegian turned his head on the pillow so he wasn't looking at Emil.

"I love you."

Lukas sighed sadly. "I love you, too."

"You know I was just scared for you..."

"I know..."

"I didn't want you to end up like Timo."

"Stop bringing it up, Emil."

"Sorry." Emil shut his mouth, and shifted his feet uncomfortably on the floor.

Lukas swallowed hard. "I could've gotten arrested."

"You also could've died."

Lukas didn't respond and closed his eyes again.

Emil left the room. 


	7. Chapter 7

After a few more tests, they confirmed that Lukas was all right to go back home.

Matthias came and picked him up.

"Emil came to see me," Lukas said, as soon as they got back to the dorm.

"I sent him," Matthias replied.

Lukas sighed. Of course Emil wouldn't have come on his own. He walked into the dorm and fell down on his bed, closing his eyes. "I just want to fucking sleep."

"That's all you've done for the past few days. Sleep, sleep, sleep."

The Norwegian rolled over and glared at Matthias. "I want restful sleep. None of that shit I did at the hospital was restful."

Matthias shrugged. "That's not my fault, now, is it?"

"It is."

The Dane's eyebrows flew up. "Oh, it is?"

"Because you kissed me."

"Because I kissed you."

"Exactly."

"You asked me to kiss you, Lukas," Matthias replied quietly. "That's why..."

Lukas shook his head and refused to acknowledge the fact that _yes,_ he had asked for his friend to kiss him. 


	8. Chapter 8

The next morning, Lukas woke up to hear the TV in their room, and Matthias was sitting across from him on his bed, facing the screen.

Lukas couldn't really hear or see what was on the news (so naturally he closed his eyes again), but Matthias kept looking from the screen to Lukas and back again. Finally, Matthias switched the TV off and stood up, walking over to Lukas' bedside and resting a gentle hand on his shoulder.

"Hey, Lukas?"

Lukas groaned in response; he was still half-asleep and couldn't form words no matter how hard he tried; however, he could feel that Matthias' hands were shaking slightly, and that they were ice cold. And the tone of his voice was frightened.

"Lukas..."

Lukas blinked open his eyes once again. "Mm?"

Matthias bit his lip. Lukas noticed how pale his face was.

He murmured out a barely coherent "what is it, Dane" and reached up to cup Matthias' face in his hands.

And Matthias just laid down next to Lukas and held him close. "Lukas, they're saying doomsday is on your birthday."

*

Lukas told Matthias the whole story of why he'd been trying to stray from his normal routine.

He'd been told that he would die in ten days, so he'd better start living.

He hadn't been told, however, that that day would be the same day the world would end. And that meant everyone would die. So nobody would be happy without him, nobody could carry on their lives without him. His brother would never graduate from high school and travel the world. Matthias would no longer be the piano prodigy he was, nor would he ever become a famous composer or author or playwright or any of those things he wanted to be. Berwald would never get to welcome Timo back from prison, because Timo would never be freed.

And Lukas would never be able to apologize to Timo for throwing him under the bus, apologize to Berwald for making Timo cheat on him, apologize to Emil for getting high and nearly murdering him, or apologize to Matthias for never being able to tell him he loved him.

Lukas sobbed into Matthias' shirt and clung to him, dampening the red cotton with his tears. Why did everyone have to die? Why couldn't he be the only one? He was the only one who deserved it. 


	9. Chapter 9

_"Lukas, get up!"_

_"What'd you do, Timo?"_

_"I dunno...I think- I think I shot you."_

_"That's for sure..."_

_*_

_"What is this?"_

_"Ber, I'm sorry..."_

_"No you're not. If you were sorry, you wouldn't be holding his hand."_

_"Berwald, really, we're just friends-"_

_*_

_"Lukas- LUKAS? What're you doing?"_

_"Nothing, lillebror, just be quiet."_

_"No! Get off me!"_

_"What'd I just say? Shut your mouth."_

_*_

_"Lukas, do you love me?"_

_"Lukas?"_

_"Tell me..."_

_"Please...?"_

_*_

Matthias pressed Lukas against the shower wall, sucking bruises into his skin to mirror the ones covering the Norwegian's heart. And Lukas moaned detached moans as he did so, his eyes closed and face emotionless. The hot water continued spilling from the shower head, bathing them in hot water and steam. Matthias said nothing, just continued to kiss him and bite him and rock his hips against him.

Water (or perhaps tears) slid down Lukas' cheek and he curled his arms like vines around Matthias' body. "Why?" he asked, opening his shining indigo eyes to look up at the Dane. Matthias tilted his head at him, his big blue eyes filled with confusion. Lukas laughed weakly. "I love you," he said, in a tiny, wavering voice.

Matthias smiled; it wasn't one of his obnoxious fake smiles that he used to mask his depression, either. It was a genuine smile. "I love you too, Luka."

"I wanted to marry you."

"I still want to marry you. I always have."

Lukas started crying then, and Matthias kissed his tears away and held him close. "Why me?"

"No way to explain...I just do."

"I'm a horrible person, though, Mat..."

"No, you just made mistakes. There's nothing wrong with that."


	10. Chapter 10

The night before, Lukas forgot everything except Matthias' hands and voice and name and body. Oh _god_ , his body. Lukas could still feel it the next morning. His eyes were shut, and he could feel Matthias' soft hair tickling his shoulders and his warm breath on his neck.

But Matthias was already awake. When Lukas shifted to get more comfortable, Matthias murmured, "Lukas, are we dead?"

"I don't think so."

Matthias sighed softly and cuddled Lukas closer. "What do you think it'll be like?"

"Death?"

"Ja."

Lukas thought for a moment about how to answer, since he'd never really thought about it. "I don't know. I hope that there's something after we die, though. I don't want this to be the last time I ever see you." Matthias stayed quiet, thoughtful, and Lukas could hear rain beginning to fall outside.

Finally, Matthias answered after a good few minutes. "I'm sure there's something after this."

"Why so sure?"

"Well, it would just really suck if we fell in love again right before we died and then never got to see each other again."

"Fell in love again?" Lukas asked. He could feel Matthias nodding against his shoulder. "I never fell out of love."

Matthias sucked in a breath and pulled Lukas closer. "Me neither."

Lukas chuckled weakly and shut his eyes again. "This really sucks."

"I know..."

"Matthias, I wish I was the only one who had to die." He took a shuddering breath.

The Dane shook his head and kissed Lukas' shoulder sweetly. "Please don't say that. We'd all miss you." The rain began to fall harder outside, and tears began to run down Lukas' face. Matthias sighed softly, lifting his hand to Lukas' cheek to gently brush away the tears with his thumb. "We'd all miss you," he repeated. "You mean so much to all of us. We just wish we could've helped you."

"I got Timo arrested...I almost killed Emil...I hurt you and Berwald..."

"Nobody blames you." Matthias gently stroked Lukas' hair.

Lukas sighed sadly and kept his eyes closed. "I wish I could believe that."

Matthias smiled bittersweetly, even though Lukas couldn't see. "Me too." He gently rolled Lukas over so that they were facing each other, and Lukas blinked open his beautiful eyes, shiny with tears. The wild blonde smiled fondly at him. "You're beautiful."

"Your eyes are the most beautiful things I've ever seen." They shared a gentle kiss, and Lukas smiled at him once they separated. "Do you think I'll be able to apologize to the rest of them after we die?"

Matthias didn't answer and just kissed his forehead. Lukas supposed that the gesture in itself was an answer and shut his eyes once more. They laid there quietly, just listening to the rain and each other's breathing for a long time.

"Lukas, can your face be the last thing I see?" 

Lukas nodded. Matthias kissed him again before pulling back slightly to look at him, pure adoration on his face, and Lukas looked back, teary eyed. "No, no, Lukas. I don't want to see you cry."

"How am I supposed to not cry if I might never see my family again? Might never see you again?" 

"Well...if everything just stops after we die, then...you'd never know the difference."

That notion didn't calm Lukas down at all, in fact it only made him cry much harder. Matthias sighed sadly and reached for his lost lover's hand, squeezing it gently. "Lukas, if you don't stop blaming yourself, it'll never go away." Lukas nodded, burying his face in Matthias' chest and sobbing. Matthias rubbed his back soothingly and kissed the top of his head.

"Matthias, I love you," Lukas whispered after he stopped crying, his voice wavering. 

"I love you too."

A few more moments passed, and neither of them spoke. 

"...Happy birthday, Lukas."


End file.
